Hi, look I really don’t know what to blog about. I have been
stuck in my own little rut again of focusing on my weak points in place of
working through them I halt. And wait.. What am I waiting for you ask. I really
don’t know all I can think of is balls of steal to do what I feel I need to do
or even want to do.
This weekend has been a personal emotional battle for me and
my insecurities I have kept hush hush about it because it just didn’t feel
right.. My own thoughts don’t feel right. Why am I so over emotional and sleepy?
Oh yeah that’s why.. Hi aunt flow right on time but this time I wasn’t paying
attention to the days and was caught off guard to say the least.
Speaking of the cycles, and how it explains why I was soo
off last weekend and all the baby thoughts. They really haven’t stopped. I have
watched on repeat births and labors from brave women who post this stuff on you
tube. Before it use to scare me like oh no that’s not going to happen. But now
after watching so many of them I’m like bring it I can do that. Then I think
back to the horrid HSG test I had to take. I remember it was painful shoot I talked
about the pain for a week. But after
time I forgot about what the pain felt like. I remember almost pasting out and
the sweat from the test but I don’t really remember the pain itself. Either way next month I’m planning my surgery
to get my tubes fixed.
So I will have both procedures done the Da Vinci
Laparoscopic Myomectomy to remove the fibroid and the Tubal Perfusion push dye
test to try to open the other tube up. I will be fast asleep for these thank
goodness and should bounce back to normal in no time. However this is my first time as an adult to “go
under” if you will. So I have researched
so much the procedures yeah not a thing the pain afterwards okay no big deal I’m
wanting a baby having a baby is painful so whatever. Having one person in control of my life with
one drug goodness I hope they have a good day.
Make that a great day. I know they know their job and how to do it. But that
don’t make me feel any safer.. I mean who do you know puts 100% of passion into
what they do. I can only hope they do. But that’s all I’m scared of is going to
sleep. Then I guess I should count myself lucky. And I go to sleep every night so why am I freaking
out so much about this. I swear if I hear
those words “it’s no big deal” again I swear I’ll scream!!! Even tho I know
they are right it isn’t a deal but I just don’t want to hear it.
As you clearly see this has all been heavy on my mind
lately. Baby fever to say the least but I made up my mind and I just want a
baby already. I want to have those stories too. I want to post a blog with
meaning and a blog to watch a growth of a little one. Iam sure I will not have
time to do this blog thing but I can try and do my best. Right.
Oh wow I just thought of a sweet idea. What do you think of
making books from blogger posts. A personal journal of your life. Might have to
give this one a shot! And I know just the blog to try this out on!!! ;)
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