Why am I not a mommy?

Can't help but feel that annoying sadness when I see my friends. I don't mean anything bad by this and they are all mom's now. I feel my only saving grace are my friends with out kids. It helps keep it away from my mind. Even tho my friends with kids are super supportive and very considerate nothing they do bothers me thankfully.  Just looking at their pages and seeing them in action with their children is such a beautiful thing that it hearts my heart to even think that i might not join them one day.

With all this hurt passing threw my mind multiple times a day now. Fighting tears, putting on the strong face, dealing with everyones suggestions on what to do. I have made the choice to take this to the point of what i said i wouldn't do.  I told myself when i first started trying that i wouldn't do anything drug related or anything. As i always said a drug induced baby isn't the one i want ... not that there is anything wrong with it . Just in the perfect world i would be preggers and have a kid or two by now. naturally. with out help of the greedy healthy system.  After my surgery to open my tubes i thought i would be lucky. it's already October.. and ...

nothing...

So fast forward, I completed my 2nd HSG test lucky my friends are correct it didn't KILL me this time. it did hurt like a son of a bitch however it was deal-able.  the dr there showed me two open tubes.. I have yet to get the "true" Results from my dr. . there was a mild concern with a fibroid or something on my cervix, I am not sure if it was there during my last pap in July. If not then this just popped up over the past few months and that's one of the only things i can think that is preventing me from getting my bump. Maybe i have a fibroid issue or something to be honest i don't even know what to look up. So i'm not i'm just going to bring this to dr's attention.

So here is what I know...
My tubes are open -(waiting final results but i seen them open)
I ovulate - (according to my OPK's)

So what is the next step is it drugs?

Guess i'll find out Wednesday!!!!  that's my next appointment.
Time to play aggressive i'm getting fucking old!